Lifestyle Choices

• ‘I want my coach to help me to perform better, but he only shouts at me all the time.’
• ‘I am working so hard to hear: “Yes, that was great!” but all I hear is: “No, boy, not like that! That is wrong!”‘
• ‘I do my level best, but all I hear is that I should try harder and should not slacken the pace.’
• ‘I hate losing because people only like me when I win’.
• ‘I should like to have fun again at the … (kind of sport), but since we have won there has been no time for fun and games anymore. Now we must only train, and train, and win.’
• ‘All I am doing at the (rugby/netball/tennis) is to train until I am half dead.’
• ‘When I do my very best, everybody still only says, “You can do better…”
• ‘I do not like being a failure.’
• ‘I do not like doing everything wrong.”
• ‘Often nobody says anything, even though I have done my very best…’

The above statements illustrate the unpleasant experiences that cause many children’s interest in sport to decline. This may lead to early retirement from sport and a search for recognition in other ways, for example drastically bad conduct for which they will definitely attract attention!

Many parents are their children’s biggest source of stress. All parents identify with their children. (`That is my boy - that one in the number 9 jersey…’) Of course every parent wants his child to do well, and he wants to hear the admiration of the other parents on the sideline.

In some cases the limits of identification are overstepped. The child becomes an extension of the parent! When this happens, a parent starts measuring his self-worth in terms of his child’s performance. ‘When my child wins, I am delighted; other parents look at me, and they say: “They are such a successful family…”‘

Children are much more observant than we think. Your child knows when your self-image is linked to his performance! This means that your child is held responsible for your good moods… As a parent you must realise that a child cannot carry that big a burden of tension and responsibility - he will eventually succumb. Every adult person must realise that his moods or his emotions are his own choice, and the responsibility for those can definitely not be placed on a child!

Do you trust yourself sufficiently to take responsibility for the child you have brought into this life? Sometimes you feel so foolish - as if other people are managing things so much better - but you must accept that you are the best parent for your own child! No parent has had training in rearing his children. No doctor can say with 100 % accuracy that his diagnosis is correct and the best for each patient, but if he doubts himself all the time, he will never practise!

There are many parents who are scared to practise their parenthood, because they are uncertain about how to do it! You are the best parent for your child, and you must act confidently. Now the ball is in your court… Enjoy it and give it your best shot! This is very important - be patient beyond what you feel! It will ensure that you win more often!

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