Lifestyle Choices

Spiritual Partner

Do you allow him to be the spiritual leader at home? Do you consult him about spiritual problems? Do you allow him to teach the children biblical truths? Do you ever pray together? Does he sense that you look up to him for spiritual guidance, or does he feel spiritually inferior to you? Do you ever ask him to pray for you in times of special need? Do you share your own spiritual problems or experiences with him?

Some of you may say, “I’d love to do all these things but my husband is not a born-again Christian. He does not even go to church with me.” In that case the question I’d like to put to you is

Does your conduct attract him to Christ? In 1 Peter 3:1,2, God gives some very specific instructions to wives whose husbands are not believers. “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over without talk, by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” That’s very specific and very practical. The most important command is, don’t preach at your husband. Many men have been kept from God’s kingdom by wives who have tried everything possible to convert them.

This advice does not apply only to wives with unbelieving husbands. It also applies to wives with Christian husbands. One of the most harmful ways of trying to change your husband is by constantly quoting Bible verses. Not only will it fail to change him, it will also halt his spiritual growth.

There was a time when Joy nagged me to conduct family devotions. The more she put pressure on me the more I resisted, always finding some excuse or other. After a while she stopped trying to persuade me and accepted the situation without any reproach. Not long afterwards I started conducting the family devotions and have been doing so ever since. Why? Because a man will resist being dictated to by his wife. It’s a built-in reaction.

Guard against becoming too involved in church activities. Your first responsibility is towards your husband. If you can participate in the church’s activities without any feeling of neglect on his part, then go right ahead. But if he asks you not to go to midweek meetings or not to attend church, then submit gladly — for in doing so you will win him over and you can then both serve the Lord together.

The only time when a wife need not submit to her husband is when he asks her to do something that would violate God’s commands directly. Otherwise submit to him as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22), willingly and joyfully in all things.

Submission then is not a denial of your identity or a servant-girl mentality. It is an active acknowledgement of your husband as your leader. It is a constant attempt to build him up, to admire him, to respect him. God says in Proverbs 12:4 that “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Your husband is whatever you make of him. For you will either build him up or break him down. The more you build him up, the more you will meet his emotional needs — and the happier your relationship will be. The choice is yours! P. S.

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