Lifestyle Choices

By ’single’, I mean a woman who is unmarried, divorced, separated, or whose husband is temporarily absent.

Sexual aggression from a stranger may take the form of:

1. Obscene telephone calls.
2. Frottism (such as being rubbed up against in a crowded train or bus).
3. Indecent exposure (such as showing genitals to little girls in a park).
4. Letter threats to rape, maim, or kill.
5. Odd burglaries involving violation (such as urinating on the bed) or the theft of fetish objects such as frilly knickers or black suspender belts.
6. Peeping Toms.
7. Unintentional rape (sometimes called ‘going too far’).
8. Attempted rape.
9.  Rape.
10. Child molestation.

A man, or any woman who has not experienced any of these forms of sexual aggression, might find it difficult to comprehend why minor cases are so frightening and why women are so unreasonable about them. About telephone calls, one woman said: ‘I found the unreality, the nightmare lunacy aspect, the most difficult because the police didn’t seem to understand why I was frightened, because nothing had happened.’ A strapping, normally self-assured 6-foot blonde said: `What I most hated was being instantly turned into a gibbering idiot by some cowardly twit on the end of a telephone.’

Other comments were: It’s the unprotected feeling. You feel stark naked and vulnerable. It might happen any time of the day or night. You’re powerless to stop it and you’re at his mercy. You’re helpless.’ The police don’t seem to think that threatened sexual assault is important. Assault doesn’t seem to be an important crime unless it’s on a policeman. Motoring offences and smoking pot, that’s the sort of thing they seem to take seriously.’

What a woman wants when she is being sexually threatened by a stranger is PROTECTION. She also wants sympathy and understanding. Often it is not possible for the police to give her any of these things to the degree that will allay her fright.

A senior CID officer commented: `If a person has been offended against, no matter in how minor a way, that person feels aggrieved, therefore, as far as the police are concerned, it is an offence and the duty of the policeman to investigate and assist the aggrieved person inasmuch as he is able.’ . . . inasmuch as he is able.’ That’s the crunch.

Policewomen may, but policemen in general can have no conception of why a woman is frightened by a mystery prowler or heavy breathing down the telephone. This is because they are the wrong sex: they are not frightened of a man because they are men. This attitude is apparent in some of the things they say, some of which are hurtful. DO NOT LET THESE PHRASES UPSET YOU.

`Is he a friend of yours?’

`Have you broken up with a boyfriend lately?’

What makes you think this man is threatening you?’

Are you sure you weren’t encouraging him &’

`Well, you must have been doing something.’

We’ll keep an eye on the place’ (i.e. drive past now and then). `We’ll have a squad car over right away’ (twenty-three minutes later at the earliest, with enough flashing lights to announce a royal wedding procession).

`Don’t you worry now.’

`You’re perfectly safe inside.’

The police certainly get plenty of frivolous complaints or complaints made by women who are unnaturally nervous or mentally disturbed and which, when investigated, prove groundless. Fel^. instance, steady footsteps behind you at night across the darkened common might not necessarily mean that a man is following you. His route from the bus stop might be the same as yours.

To expect automatic protection in every case is impractical. Be sensible. The police haven’t got the men or the money. They can’t give twenty- four-hour protection to the recipient of every obscene telephone call or it would cost at least three policemen’s salaries per year per protegee. Sympathy you may get but not always protection or understanding.

So what should you do if you or one of your family is frightened by sexual aggression from a stranger? Senior CID officer, Barbara Kelly, helped me to compile the following answers.

Try to deal with obscene telephone calls by putting the phone down at once. Then he’s lost lop (apparently they hope and pay for a long call) and got no satisfaction.

`The call may be to assist masturbation,’ explained Miss Kelly, `and that’s one good reason to slam the phone down. Of course he may ring again. The essential thing is: don’t reply to him. Leave the receiver off the hook and cover it with a cushion or a rug.’ The second you reply you are becoming involved and could even be inveigled into connivance.

The main reason for slamming down the phone is to avoid giving the pervert at the other end the satisfaction he achieves by frightening and flummoxing you. Such people are often sexually inadequate and do not feel they are `men’. They feel they lack power and potency. So the more distressed you get, the happier they are to be proving to themselves that they do have a sortof sexual power over you — the power to upset you. So replace your receiver immediately.Telephone or call at your localpolice station and ask to speak to theduty officer, to report what hashappened. It is then up to the policeto decide objectively on the gravity of the situation, and what they canlegally do. Remember that, for goodreasons, the police are trained to keepcalm, keep a poker face and proceed methodically. They should be unbiased towards one side or the other. They can’t do much about a frightened woman, but they understand that in these cases a woman can’t always control her emotions.

Understandably, Scotland Yard have asked me not to reveal their methods of dealing with obscene telephone calls, but if a pattern starts to emerge then action is taken. One of the obvious things that the police can do is get your telephone number changed fast and kept secret. Inconvenient, but generally effective.

If you receive obscene, anonymous letters try not to talk about them. Take them straight to the police.

Obviously you would contact the police as soon as possible after a burglary, so they would quickly learn of any details other than theft, such as messing the carpet. Burglary can feel like a minor sort of rape. It results in the same sort of shock of uncleanness, of being violated, of sudden, unexpected violence.

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