Lifestyle Choices

There are obvious disadvantages to a child in having a working mother but there are less obvious advantages. Children with working mothers certainly don’t suffer from smother-love — over-fussing. They learn to be realistic, independent, responsible and sometimes stoical, no mean preparation for the toughness of life.

Your children risk having a mother who’s not permanently on tap for them but who is likely to have a younger outlook and be more tolerant and open to new ideas (although I did hear myself saying to my older son during that craze, `I don’t know how you can walk on those high heels’).

A working mother may turn out to be a more respected and valuable adviser in later life (you have to rely on reason, not authority, if you hold down a job) and in turn (I am told and hope) a working woman is not so likely to cling to her children when it’s their turn to leave the nest. A working mother has her own interests.

YOUR STAND-IN

If you employ home help make sure that your stand-in likes and is liked by the children, whether or not she is particularly efficient with the housework. Don’t be jealous of your children’s affection for their minder. You want them to feel affectionate towards lots of people. Check on your child-minder. There is no reason to trust her until she is proven trustworthy. If you can’t hop home unexpectedly yourself, get someone else to do so. This sounds nasty, but they’re your children and you can’t take risks. Also check carefully with other parents about your childminder, play group, or nursery school. Never stop checking. If you have no home help, here are some of the organizations which might help you.

A pre-school playgroup: A centre organized by parents in premises which have been approved by the local authority. It takes children from three to five for about three hours in either morning or afternoon, so it’s only suitable for mothers doing part- time work. Nominal fees pay for heat, light, toys, modelling clay, paints, books and other equipment. The children are taught no formal subjects but learn to relate to other children, to accept authority and to be imaginative and unselfish.

If there isn’t one locally, how about starting one, either on a cooperative basis with other mothers or as a business venture?

Get advice from your local health department and information and advice from the Pre-School Playgroups Association.

Local authority day nurseries: Noneducational in the same way as playgroups. These are for priority cases — the children whose mothers must work or who are ill. They take children from three months and for up to eight hours a day. Get further information from your local health department.

State nursery schools: For three- to five-year-olds, but there is a great shortage. They come under the Department of Education and Science and keep normal school hours. You can get a list from your local education office. Priority is again given to the children of mothers who have no option but to work.

If you haven’t a local authority day nursery or state nursery school start campaigning for one.

Private local nursery schools: Youcan get details of these from the local authority health department.

A registered child-minder: Can look after your children for up to eight hours daily in her home. Costs can be from £5 per child per week including food. There are bad childminders and there are good ones.

The only working mothers of schoolchildren who seemingly don’t have problems in the yearly fifteen weeks of school holidays are schoolteachers. Mothers who have no home help might pay a non-working neighbourhood mother to cope with their children as well as her own. In the lower income groups there’s still sometimes a granny or aunt to look after the children, but nowadays there’s a good chance that granny is running her own boutique and aunty is a trainee computer programmer

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