Lifestyle Choices

“GOOD BEHAVIOUR” PERSONALITY

The “good behaviour” type has put a tremendous amount of energy into conforming. He relies on others’ opinions and likes to obey the rules. He looks down on those who do not follow the rules or do not act in the proper fashion. He is obedient and authority bound — he is always worried about whether the authority will approve of his actions, and he willtry very hard to please. On the positive side, he may be an extremely conscientious worker.

Childhood background

The childhood history is often one of an over-emphasis on the control of behaviour. Being a good boy or a good girl is more important to the parents than natural expressions of spontaneity. Thus, eating up all your food, or going to the lavatoryonce a day, or being nice, or not being aggressive, becom_emajor issues in which the parents eventually win a battle for control. The child thinks that if he conforms, then at last hewill receive the warmth and security he wants, but howeverhard he tries, he can never be good enough because he will never really be loved for who he is.

Physical appearance

A “good behaviour” type will sometimes have the appearance of somebody who has been beaten down. He will look up with doleful eyes that seem to say: “Don’t hurt me, I’ll be good”. Sometimes the buttocks will be squeezed and held in like adog with its tail beneath its legs. Often there is a great deal of muscular tension.

Added to the effects of constant muscular tension (see opposite), is a rather hopeless feeling, the result of always being in opposition to yourself and hardly ever having the freedom to act spontaneously. Jung described what I call the “good behaviour” type as having an over-developed persona — a mask of conformity thinly covering an inner feeling of inferiority and self-reproach. When the mask of good behaviour breaks, it can precipitate a crisis in self-esteem, for you are then forced into a position where you have to admit how little you genuinely respect and believe in yourself.

“CONTROLLED” PERSONALITY

The “controlled” person has his own opinions, and can standup for himself with strength and determination. However, he tends to be inflexible and unemotional. If he has an opinion, that is his opinion and he will put down or avoid any evidence to the contrary. Feelings are avoided or else expressed in a very limited and controlled way. Anger will be translated to “irritation” and sensuality to “interest”. The avoidance of showing feeling is seen as a sign of strength and demonstrative people are judged as weak. Confronted with too much feeling or too much physical contact, a controlled person will do almost anything to control a situation that makes him uncomfortable: he may make a sarcastic comment, changethe subject, walk out of the room, get angry (or show any particular feeling that he is more comfortable with), remain aloof, stiffen and heighten his body, or openly disapprove.

Childhood background

As a child he may have received care and love but followed the controlled example of his father and mother, the models of perfection he would have naturally looked up to. This unconscious tendency to mimic aspects of parents behaviourhas its advantages and disadvantages.

Physical appearance

Physically, the control is sometimes visible in the stiff way he holds his body. His movements may be rather rigid, with limited grace. The expression on his face may be stern.

There is no particular relationship of this type of personality with clinical (grey/black/white) depression. However, to the extent that you control your feelings, you control your own capacity for happiness and miss out on lustre and sparkle.

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