Lifestyle Choices

A study of behavior in ageing by the American psychologist, Suzanne Reichard, revealed five basic types of attitude:

• Constructiveness An intelligent acceptance of old age, with few regrets and an optimistic approach to the future.
• Dependency A passive, “rocking chair” uninvolvement, with expectations that others will provide material and emotional support.
• Defensiveness A rigid, self-controlled, compulsive attitude means that old age may have been well prepared for materially, but that emotionally it is simply not acceptable. The result is a pretence at not ageing, upheld by working as hard and as long as possible.
• Hostility Unacceptance and anger with the ageing process spills over into a generally aggressive attitude, especially towards the young, who are envied. The aggression and competition may hide fears of dependency and death.
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• Self-hating Criticism of past achievements, disappointment with life, and an attitude of self-disgust lead to a desire for death to come soon.These attitudes are worth looking at, because if one or more is wholly or partially your own, recognizing what may be a negative attitude is a first step towards changing it. The second step, even if it is only a small one to start with, is actively to do something different. Some negative attitudes to ageing could be challenged in the following ways:
• Dependency Make yourself get up and do something for yourself. When you are with others, surprise yourself and them by offering to do something for them — it will benefit you much more than anything they could give or do for you.
• Defensiveness Although it is quite uncharacteristic for you to speak to others about your concerns, try telling somebody about how ageing really makes you feel deep down.
• Hostility As you feel the anger rising, take a deep breath, close your eyes, take another deep breath and ask yourself “What am I frightened of?”
• Self-hating Write down a list of everything positive you have done in your life. Every day do at least one more thing which you consider positive. At the end of the day write it down. Then start each day by reading the list.

Disengagements

A positive attitude to ageing involves accepting a lot of goodbyes. Some of the losses listed in the section on old age can be seen as disengagements. In the final stage of life you disengage yourself from:

• Some of your responsibilities.
• Your physical strength and stamina.
• Your working life.
• Particular kinds of opportunities (for instance, starting up a new business).
• A particular kind of status (for instance, running a committee or having status at work).

• Some friends and family who die before you.

Whether you see these things in terms of loss or disengagement depends on your attitude. Feeling the loss can be a positive short-term process of grieving, but it is a great pity to hang on to the feeling for the rest of your life. An alternative isto look forward to other activities that will replace the disengaged activities and possibilities, such as:

• Spending more time with family or friends.
• Looking after grandchildren.
• Renewing and deepening old friendships.
• Involving yourself in community activities.
• Developing hobbies or interests that you did not have time for previously.

• Giving yourself enough time to foster more quality in any activity you choose to do.

• Using your experience of life to entertain others with stories and anecdotes of times gone by.
• Developing your understanding of life and death so that you may be more ready to die when the time comes. &Developing your own wisdom and depth of spirit.

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