Lifestyle Choices

You can try short-term explorative psychotherapy (S.T.E.P.) for any depressed state down to grey. Those in black depression could try to deal with their depression in this way but are advised to see a psychiatrist, perhaps in conjunction with their psychotherapy. Any of the techniques described in Psychotherapeutic approaches can be used for S.T.E.P, but in general the alternative approaches tend to work faster. In particular, S.T.E.P. can be useful for:

• Reactions to life events
• Breaking through grey energy
• Dealing with couples problems
• Dealing with family problems.

Breaking through Grey Energy

When you are depressed, your thoughts are likely to be negative, circular or unproductive. Whatever anybody else says, you can always interpret it gloomily. An effective way of bypassing this kind of thinking is to work with the body, to reduce muscle tension and to encourage more movement of feeling. Once the body becomes more energetic and alive, the circular thinking disappears, so long as the depression is not too deep (grey or lighter).

It is interesting that “pushed” body movement, an exercise without feeling, can lead to a reduction of muscle tension, which then allows more feeling to be experienced. If the exercise is an aggressive movement, aggressive feelings are more likely to arise. If the aggression is genuinely felt, no matter why, the aggressive movement is a potent antidepressant in itself. Release of tension in particular muscles tensed against a particular feeling may lead to release of that feeling. A therapist requires considerable skill to know the difference between fabricated feeling (which is initially being encouraged) and genuine feeling (which can be therapeutic).

This technique does not work beyond a certain barrier that is usually somewhere between grey and black depression, but this varies in different people. If the thinking is absolutely fixed in the negative, the benefit of a good energetic body feeling will be completely lost. The mind will think something like: “Yes, I know my body feels better and I am feeling more, but it won’t last long and soon I’ll be back in exactly the same state — only with less hope because I achieved a bit and lost it”, and this self-fulfilling prophecy is then promptly fulfilled. When your thinking is so negative, psychotherapy may not be useful, and you may need to consider medical treatment. Before that point, working with the body to release tension and feeling can be the fastest and most effective way of breaking through depressive deadness.

Therapy for Couples

If you have a problem in your relationship you can see atherapist on your own or else go as a couple. On your own, you can work out your own part and responsibility in the problem between you, and sometimes that clarity is enough. You may go back to your partner and find that your changed attitudes spark off a change in him or her. If you go back with more directness, your example may encourage the same in your partner.

Sometimes couples problems become so entangled that it is helpful for partners to see a therapist together in order for the therapist to get a clearer idea of what is going on. For instance, a husband and wife both feel depressed. She sees a therapist first and complains bitterly about the restrictions of marriage. As soon as she seeks to liberate herself by going out more and expressing herself more openly she feels that herhusband is stopping her and she seriously considers leaving him. The therapist sees them both. The husband has a controlled nature, and clearly too much feeling makes him anxious. But with encouragement in two joint sessions he comes out of his shell and realizes it is actually permissible to have intense arguments with his wife — in fact, she is longing for that bit of excitement. For a while they have a good time together and neither is depressed, though their freer expression brings up some other issues which may then be dealt with in further joint or individual sessions.

You may find a good couples therapist in many different forms of therapy. You can go to a marriage guidance counselor, see your doctor who may refer you to a therapist, or choose any good psychotherapist directly.

If you want therapy for your relationship and your partner does not wish to go to joint sessions, the best thing to do is to take sessions yourself so that your choices become clearer. If your partner refuses to believe there is a problem at all you may have to be willing to break off the relationship before the point is made clear. It is not worth living a depressed half-life for anybody, not even for someone you love.

Therapy for families

Similarly, for family problems, a single member of the familycan go to see a psychotherapist, or the whole family might have therapy together. A family meeting tends to be more threatening because each member of the family has a certain position or status within the family which could be changed. But on the other hand, a family approach can be very rewarding, because it is easier for the therapist to see what is going wrong in the various family interactions. Sometimes the therapist only needs to help change a particular balance of power for the family to be able to live in a more positive way. As the therapist has to deal with inputs from several directions at the same time, and as family sessions tend to be emotive, the therapist needs to be experienced and to have a certain kind of non-defensive strength.

Family therapy is particularly useful when the children are in trouble, because there is nearly always a problem between the children and the parents, which may be relatively simple to sort out. If the children are willing to speak and if the parents are willing to give up a position of absolute authority, it can be moving and inspiring to witness lines of communication clear as old grudges are aired and love is rediscovered.

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