Lifestyle Choices

Libido

A fading libido is a common issue for women, especially those in longterm relationships. Sometimes the thrill is gone because your sex drive cannot peacefully coexist with stress, exhaustion, anger or marital discord. Women are indeed complicated and there is not going to be a magic bullet (like Viagra) that cures all women of sexual dysfunction. A purely physical approach will never work for a woman’s libido, the reason being that emotions play a huge role and a woman’s primary erogenous zone is the brain!

Take charge, take care, take action

1. Too tired. No matter what causes the fatigue — insomnia, working late or a new baby — the reality is that all you want to do when you fall into your bed is sleep!
2. You can no longer rely on spontaneous sex. Make a date for sex. Speak about it in the morning so you both can think about sex and each other all day.
3. Go to the gym together for 30-40 minutes one evening. Exercise is great to enhance and encourage sex.Your blood is circulating, your nervous system is firing, so it makes for good sex (you will sleep well, too, following so much exertion!).
4. Give each other time to catch a nap or to sleep in, and schedule some time during the weekend for connecting.
5. Relationship problems. Problems in the relationship manifest first in the bedroom. It is much easier to say ‘I have a headache’ when the truth is ‘I’m angry with you’.
6. Consider a few sessions of marital therapy, but don’t try to deal with relationship issues by shutting down sexually. If you do, you’ll both end up suffering.
7. Women often use sex as a way of communicating their discontent or anger. Use vocabulary as opposed to withholding sex. Let your partner know that you want to talk about something important, and talk instead of withholding.
8. Pay special attention to what your partner is saying, too.

After the baby

Over 80 per cent of women have some sexual dysfunction in the first year after they have given birth. Fatigue and the huge focus on your new baby do play a role in sidetracking your sex life, but most of it is hormonal. Breastfeeding definitely affects your libido and your ability to be aroused, and it can even make sex painful. Breastfeeding lowers your body’s production of the hormones oestrogen and testosterone and the brain chemical dopamine.You can lose your desire for sex and your vaginal walls thin out and don’t produce the lubrication you need for intercourse, so sex can hurt. (A similar problem occurs during menopause.) Also, the progesterone-only pill (mini-pill) that most women use as contraception during lactation makes things even worse.

1. Use lots of lubrication. Many effective over-the-counter products are available and they really help. You can also speak to your doctor about using a small dose of vaginal oestrogen cream to thicken and moisten your vaginal lining.
2. Catch up on rest. Sleep deprivation is a real libido dampener.

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