Lifestyle Choices

`I have little time for myself, but the children are only young and so demanding for a short time. I plan to take up other hobbies when they are older.’

`I think I have sacrificed less personally, but as it contributed to my divorce, my son has to cope with a lot. However, now that I have graduated with a first-class degree, he sees me as something of a “role model”.’

Sheila, 31, guidance development assistant/part-time student

`I feel I’ve got everything, a great job, wonderful family, but often I am so tired I can hardly speak. I need another few hours in the day.’

Karen, 28, caterer

`I don’t have much time for myself, but am a 100 per cent better person for going out to work to when I stayed at home. Someone once said that children are a gift, and you should give up everything for them. They didn’t have children.’

Michele, 31, secretary

`I don’t feel I am a bad mother by working, but I feel I have hindered my career prospects by having a baby. Although I don’t feel I do my job badly, because I’m a part-timer. I don’t feel able to give it my all: keeping up with the law, for example, reading important journals and periodicals. I don’t feel very marketable now, although I’ve never had a problem finding a job yet.’

Stephanie, 3o, solicitor

`Even if I didn’t work, I wouldn’t have any time for myself All three of my children need very little sleep, so there is very little time during or at the end of the day.’

Joanna, 37, local government officer

`Without my career, I would not have had the independence or guts to end my marriage.’

Denise, 39, teacher

`Definitely scarified less. I am “me”for five days a week and get social interaction. Otherwise I would find it difficult with a special needs child. My work time is to an extent my time and Sam benefits from his own social interaction and specialist care’
Jenny, 27, systems analyst/IT manager

`I’ve sacrificed more. Life as a “kept” woman by a kind man would be lovely, but unfortunately many men use a wife’s inferior job or lack of it as a chance to dominate and scorn. I have respect and freedom.’

Maria, 33, accountant

`I have not sacrificed anything except during the first two years with each child when I did not go out much (with friends) in the evenings (keep fit etc.)’

Margaret, 47, senior medical laboratory scientific officer

`Unfortunately, you can’t have everything. Work has undoubtedly helped me to develop as a person, given me wider horizons and independence — and I do think this helps in my role as a mother. But the maternal feeling that I should be “around” more doesn’t go away, and most of my other time is spent on family. Now I do try to do some things for myself: aerobics, for instance, and I go to Women in Banking and Finance events after work’

Carole, 36, bank manager

`I have sacrificed less. I consider time at work to be time for myself. I have chosen to be there’

Karen, 36, entertainments manager

`I feel so full of energy by being both part times: worker and mum.’

Angela, 38, part-time clerical officer

`It gets easier as the children get older. Normally it works smoothly, but at times one part of your life gets harder: my father is terminally ill with cancer and I’m a daughter as well!’
Lynn, 41, occupational therapist

`What I have sacrificed is not having enough time with Daniel after school. We do not get in until 6 pm, and it is a rush to do everything by bedtime. Otherwise, on balance, my working is a plus’

Gillian, 48, accounts manager

`Sometimes I would like to be more of a home-maker, so maybe I bake at the weekend or paint with the children, only to find my neighbour, who is at home all day, does none of this with her children. She thinks I’m Superwoman.’

Kathleen, 36, human resources adviser

`No, the pressure comes not from the career but from my desires and from what I want from life. I want a certain standard of living, a certain kind of house, a certain lifestyle, a freedom from want (I had a childhood of poverty), a certain future for the children. And I feel I need to work in order to achieve these’

Kwen, 35, psychologist

`Definitely sacrificed more, Sara will never be young again, and I have missed a lot of that. It doesn’t matter what advantages there are, they can’t compensate for that.’

Julie, 35, hand embroiderer

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• Do You Ever Feel GUILTY? If So, What About?
• Insecurity and Loss
• CHANGING THE SITUATION AT HOME
• Could you go back to being a Full-time Mother?
• Could You Go Back to Being a Full-Time Mother?
• Past history and personality
• Do you have any role models for a balanced life?
• Do you have any Role Models for a Balanced Life?