Lifestyle Choices

(If you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right! Henry Ford)

When life is going well and you feel in control, nothing can stop or deter you. Other people don’t get to you, and coping with frustrating, frightening or hurtful situations seems much easier. Let’s face it, when life is good you seem to be able to handle anything. We wish it was always that way for everyone, but it’s not always so, is it? Challenges and emotional pain can come out of the blue. Life can suddenly be thrown out of kilter. And it is when you find yourself in this position that your true character is tested.

In times of struggle, we need a warrior attitude: staying positive, keeping our spirits up and tackling fears or challenges face-on. But we must also allow time to acknowledge and not suppress the myriad of feelings we have, such as anger, hurt, frustration or worry. It’s a crazy balance to strive for. It’s almost like we need to adopt a ‘warrior princess’ attitude. Be strong and sensitive, compassionate and honest, able to express and defend yourself and yet maintain honesty, love and determination. Whew - quite a lot to consider when you are feeling anything but all those things!

If the roller coaster of life seems hard to handle or you feel as though a downwards spiral is gaining more and more momentum, then inner resources can feel rather stretched. Positive self-talk is one of the most simple yet empowering things you can engage in. Take care to talk to yourself in a positive way and not to wallow in the negative.

We use the scale method in tough times. Ask yourself: on a scale of 0-10, zero being the absolute worst and 10 being the absolute best, how do you feel right now? How bad is this situation you are in? To compare, think of situations which really rate as a zero - tragedies you or people you know may have experienced. This may help you put negative or challenging situations into perspective.

We are not suggesting that this will stop the pain or fear. But it may help you gain more

strength to cope with it. Every day you have a choice about what attitude you will embrace. Some of the most positive people we have met may have been through some harrowing, challenging times. It is their strength, their ‘warrior princess’ attitude that absolutely inspires us.

Asa child I (Fleur) was relatively shy. I liked to participate and achieve, but I liked to do it quietly, without drawing attention to myself. If I had to stand up in class or answer a ques- tion it would bring on a bright red flush. Yet I managed to succeed in a career that involved public speaking and presenting workshops to hundreds of people!

Many years ago I was presented for the first time with the opportunity to speak publicly. I was asked to deliver a workshop on aromatherapy. I like to please people, I like to achieve and get things just right. My instant reaction was to say ‘No, thank you’, but the word ‘Yes’ came out instead! Then the negative self-talk kicked in: ‘Why did you say yes? You will be so embarrassed if you lose it in front of all of those people. You’ll just turn bright red. You won’t be any good…

Over the years I have read many books on personal growth, setting goals and the power of positive thinking. One saying that has always stayed in my mind is: ‘Fake it till you make it: Nobody had to know I was petrified in my first presentation. I would pretend to be confident, I would pretend to be capable and I would deliver my talk with ease. Working on this premise seemed to go fairly well, as I was asked to speak more and more. I kept telling myself, ‘I am great. I am a confident, experienced speaker. I will impress! The effects of this self-talk were amazing. I tried things I would never have challenged myself to do. This in turn helped increase my self-esteem and confidence. It taught me that what you tell yourself on a daily basis really does become your reality.

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