Lifestyle Choices

`No, I think all women need to spend time doing and thinking about things unrelated to children. I appreciate that some women may not think this way, but Ifeel that you are a person in your own right, not just somebody’s mum.’

Jackie, 36, accounts clerk/estate agent

`If we win the Lottery perhaps. Yes, I could, especially when both boys are at school. I would like to do my own thing during school hours and be therefor them when they come home.’

Judy, 37, lecturer/musician

`I couldn‘t go back to being a full-time mother. I value my independence and love being in the working environment. I love dressing smartly and would not make so much effort if I did not work.’

Gillian, 48, accounts manager

`No, I need to work. Looking back, my mother didn’t and when we’d grown up, she had nothing.’

Pauline, 31, paediatric endocrine nurse specialist (more…)

`Yes. One of our children is hyperactive and the school said that

this could be because we’re working parents and the child goes to a minder.’

Alison, 37, senior registrar (obstetrics & gynaecology)

`My second husband criticized me for not being like his mother. Yet he put me in the position where I had to work, by not being able to support us to the level I expected at that time.’

Charlotte, so, probation officer

`My mother-in-law has criticized me: “It’s amazing the price the young are prepared to pay for the privilege of not having to look after their own offspring.”‘

Rona, 28, researcher for Executive Search Agency

`Husband’s grandmother, who thinks women these days are too quick to send their children to nurseries etc. so that they, selfishly, can work. She forgets that she had a nanny and did not even work’

Nicola, 29, antique furniture restorer

`One person (a woman older than me with no children) actually told me that she didn’t agree with working mums. I said if she paid my mortgage, I’d go home. 18 months later she had a baby and went straight back to work!’

Lynne, 33, student (more…)

`A friend with three children under four who works full time is my role model. She revels in the chaos and is pretty relaxed about life. I strive for her outlook!’

Gillian, 35, systems training designer

`My role model is Mary Robinson — President of Ireland: an extremely qualified career woman with a very happy family life‘

`My role models for a balanced life are my friends who work and have supportive husbands who share in the household/childcare areas. They seem to be the happiest’

Patricia, 37, teaching assistant

`I don’t have role models. Friends who were role models have surprised me with marriage break-ups etc..’

Clare, 42, PA/secretary

`My role model is my perfectly balanced best friend of 35 years’ standing’

Lindsay, 39, supply teacher (more…)

`Male attitudes must change; men expect wives to take on a job, do the school runs, cook and clean etc. and still want sex at night. My ex-husband’s attitude was: “Well, you wanted to go back to work, so you can fit it in with all the other jobs.”‘

Raye, 49, PA

`I think things are getting more difficult for working mothers rather than easier, because there is an office culture now that says it’s not the quality of your work that matters, it’s the hours that you put in that counts. If you leave on time, you’re not seen as being committed to the organization. There is a huge drive within many organizations to reduce costs, so people are made redundant or not replaced and those that remain are expected to work harder and harder. This turns many people against returning to work after the birth of a first child. In many organizations good, skilled labour is in short supply. Where I work we need good, skilled nurses. So, I really feel that we have no choice. We have to be considerate to people’s family needs and value people’s lives outside work or we will continue to lose good people.’

Annie, 42, NHS chief executive

`Our children rely on us to care for them, whether in paid employment or not. No one is perfect, but provided we manage to care for them, and love them, and they know it, I cannot see that it makes one iota of difference whether women work or not. After all, many fathers are loved, needed, and play a part in family life while they work.’

Margaret, 47, senior medical laboratory scientific officer

The Government should do its duty and make available proper childcare facilities. Women are a vital part of our working community and should not have to choose between motherhood

and careers.’

Susan, 27, insurance clerk (more…)

`Mondays. I look forward to weekends, but sometimes my high expectations are not met and I get disappointed.’

Mary, 56, customer services manager

`Neither, my life is great!’

Sue, 35, training manager

`I dread weekends when my partner is working and I’m alone with the tantrum monster — our three-year-old daughter —for two days. But when he’s here, I dread neither weekends nor Mondays.’

Sharon, 33, design manager

`Neither — I look forward to both. By the end of the week, I’m looking forward to my time with my family, but by Monday I’m worn out by being a mum!’

Susan, 27, insurance clerk (more…)

`Children who washed, dressed and fed themselves!’ Karen, 35, video editor/student `Cheaper or subsidized childcare. I do a 40-hour week and after nursery fees I contribute £55 into our account. If I was single what would the options be? It’s criminal that I would be better off not working‘

Sarah, 25, general manager of retail/mail-order leisurewear company

`Being able to complete my book-keeping studies and become self-employed’

Caroline, 35, manager of a take-away

`A secretary at home’

Lesley, 41, publisher

`More support from my husband. Even though it is now an accepted part of modern society, I still believe that when a wife and mother goes out to work, she then has two jobs, while her husband/partner has one. How many men ever wonder,

`The only thing that would make our life easier as working parents would be the kids being able to drive. We have become permanent taxis, and living six miles from town on bus routes that are adequate during the day and non-existent at night adds an annoying complication to our life.’ (more…)

1. Put everything on a O-IO scale of importance, then you’ll only do the things that matter.
2. Share roles and responsibilities with your partner and then trust him to do his bit totally - without looking over his shoulder constantly, or doing it for him.
3. Make some preparations the night before: fill the car with petrol/make sandwiches/get clothes ready etc.
4. Get all the labour-saving devices you can afford, which you think might be useful. And get outside cleaning help.
5. Have a filing system that works.
6. Work out which school events etc. are likely to be attended by most mothers. Go to those and explain to your child that you will not be able to attend the others.
7. Have a large family diary and put everybody’s appointments in it. Check it every day.
8. Try and think ahead by organizing menus/cooking food, buying birthday presents/blank cards well in advance.
9. Buy in bulk.
10. Don’t over-commit your free time: night school, jewellery/book parties etc. need to be dumped. Don’t overcommit your child’s time either, with Brownies, swimming lessons etc.
11. Try multi-tasking. Make the dinner, put on washing and play with the kids simultaneously.
12. Get up half an hour before everyone else and have an early night every other night.
13. Ensure that you are communicating effectively with work, childminders, partners and children.
14. Set aside only one night a week to do extra work (if you have to do it at all).
15. A cordless phone and answerphone are essentials.
16. i6. Get to know other working mums. Help each other by sharing childcare.
17. Plan meals a week in advance and shop for those meals.
18. Cook easy meals, such as stir fries and casseroles.
19. Try and do some housework during the week so that you can have time at weekends to do other things with the children.
20. If your children are old enough, get them to help.
21. 21. Don’t make too many promises, in case you cannot keep them.

`My mind is like a filing cabinet. I am so organized, it’s unreal: Christmas presents are wrapped in August. I have never forgotten to pick Lauren up.’

Emma, 28, law student

`I’m very organized. I have never forgotten anything major, but when I started back at work I did dream that I had forgotten to take Lori to the childminder and had left her in the crib. That was enough to make me write everything down so I wouldn’t forget’

Jane, 35, PR/marketing manager (more…)

When it comes to acknowledging your own self-care, we believe there are a few basics you need to tick off your list first:

Breathing is something that many people take for granted. What is good breathing? When you are breathing correctly, your diaphragm muscles are used to their full advantage. You have a relaxed, natural flow of breath through your nose into your diaphragm. Your breath should be slow and deep, allowing the best oxygen intake. What can go wrong? When you are under stress or ill, the flow of oxygen may be impeded, leading to shallow breathing. This means that you only breathe into your upper chest, which limits your intake of oxygen and makes you breathe faster to compensate. Breathing through your mouth instead of your nose can also create a problem. When you breathe through your mouth there is less muscle resistance compared to nose breathing. Therefore your diaphragm muscles are not used properly and full breath extension is not achieved.

Correct breathing plays an important role in your health and well-being. Your breath affects your nervous system, which in turn affects your heart rate, blood pressure, blood flow to organs and muscles, and breathing rate. Hyperventilation Syndrome is a common problem caused by incorrect breathing. Some of the symptoms include breathlessness, palpitations, frequent yawning, anxiety and panic attacks, and sexual problems. If you suspect you might have breathing problems, have a look at the book Hyperventilation Syndrome in the bibliography. A specialised respiratory therapist can also help you with breathing problems.

(Yoga classes are an excellent way of combining good breathing and relaxation. If breathing is your focus, choose a gentle class. Tell your teacher about your concerns.)

Massage is definitely one of the most common forms of alternative therapy. There are various techniques and strokes, different pressures and approaches taken, but the common link many massage techniques offer is that it is relaxing and usually uses essential oils blended in a vegetable carrier oil as a form of lubrication.

The most common types of body massage include Swedish (rhythmical and flowing), sports (including deep tissue massage and stretching), remedial (including trigger points and some exercises), shiatsu (using pressure points) and aromatherapy massage (using lymphatic massage). Many massage techniques can work in conjunction with other forms of therapy, but like a lot of alternative therapies should not replace medical advice or treatment.

A good full-body massage is the ultimate in self-care. Regular massage tretments are like taking your car for regular tune-ups. They are a fantastic way to switch off, release tension and promote better sleep. If you are a busy person with a very full-on life, regular massage is a necessity for you!

The art of healing through touch has been around for thousands of years, and in many different cultures. Regular massage is thought to reduce stress levels considerably, thereby improving physical conditions such as high blood pressure, fatigue, poor circulation, poor immunity, insomnia and lack of energy. While massage can be extremely beneficial, it may not be suitable for people with cancer, varicose veins, skin infections, eczema, dermatitis, fever and colds and flu.

Naturopathy is, in many respects, common sense applied to health. The basic principle is that everyone has tremendous innate healing abilities and that the body will always attempt to overcome illness and restore balance. Naturopaths will encourage good health with natural factors such as nutrition, food supplements, exercise, relaxation, fresh air and water. The ultimate aim of a naturopath is to shift responsibility for health back to the patient as far as possible and to advocate that prevention is better than cure

(A naturopath studies for up to four years full time to attain their qualification. They focus very much on the holistic approach to self-core and can support you to make positive healthy changes to your lifestyle. By having an excellent GP and naturopath in your health-care team you can be sure you are giving yourself the best of both worlds.)

Naturopathy can help treat conditions such as weight problems, digestive disorders, insomnia, acne, skin conditions, stress, headaches, PMT, symptoms associated with menopause, coughs, colds, flu, high blood pressure, immune deficiencies, depression and anxiety.

Homeopathy has been around since classical Greek times but has only existed as we know it since the early twentieth century. It can treat illnesses on a physical and psychological level. The personality of the patient is a significant factor in choosing a remedy.

Homeopathy is based on the principle that ‘Like cures like: Very small amounts of specifically prepared remedies that mimic the symptoms of the illness are given to the patient in the belief that they will stimulate deep healing processes. These remedies are diluted a special way and prescribed in minute amounts. The focus is placed on the source of the patient’s illness rather than on suppressing the symptoms.

(A first visit can take up to two hours and involve a detailed consultation covering your personal and family medical history, diet, emotional and physical well-being and mental alertness.)

Chronic complaints such as arthritis, allergies, migraine, digestive and immune disorders along with common ailments like coughs, colds, PMS, hay fever, cold sores and sore throats are all considered very responsive to homeopathic remedies. Some essential oils, like Peppermint, for example, can interfere with their actions and therefore should not be used at the same time. Peppermint in toothpaste, tea, etc. should also be avoided.

Traditional Chinese medicine focuses on the physical and emotional well-being of the patient and aims to increase your chi — your energy or life force. It integrates acupuncture, massage, herbs, breathing exercises and nutritional advice to help heal imbalances. The principle of balance (or tao as it is often referred to) is at the core of Chinese medicine: the two opposing yet complementary forces known as yin and yang help the therapist diagnose the conditions presented. The practitioner may analyse your pulse and look at your eyes and tongue to make his diagnosis.

(Some of the herbs a Chinese medicine doctor give you can smell and taste quite different to anything you may be used to! Most practitioners will give you the herbs in their dry form for you to take home and boil, then tell you to drink the infusion a certain number of times a day.)

Traditional Chinese medicine is known to treat all physical conditions such as infections and illness as well as psychological conditions like depression and anxiety. Chinese herbs can help with coughs and colds, eczema, acne, asthma, bronchitis, digestive complaints, high blood pressure, cystitis, insomnia, menstrual and menopausal problems, psoriasis and infections. The practitioner will usually combine the use of herbs with acupuncture and nutritional advice.

Aromatherapy is one of the most widely used alternative therapies and has been around for over 4000 years. It has Roman, Greek and Chinese history. In aromatherapy, pure plant extracts called essential oils are used, which can be absorbed into the body by the skin or inhaled through the nose (olfactory system). There are well over 400 essential oils, each with their individual aroma and therapeutic virtues. These are blended into a carrier oil for massage on the skin and can be used in a vaporiser, bath, spritzer bottle or as an inhalation. (more…)

Taking better care of oneself includes caring for the body and the mind, and being aware a how one affects the other. This is why holistic health care, as described in this chapter, cai be so beneficial. It’s hard to say whether Complementary Alternative Medicine (CAM) belong: in Mind Care or Body Care, because it is so important for both. It is the link between a healthy mind and a healthy body.

In a world where GPs are busy and overworked, where medical costs keep increasing and the health-care system is struggling to keep up with demand, many people are seeking CAM to help solve their health problems. You may have wanted to try alternative therapies but been unsure about their properties, what they do and offer. That’s understandable, as there are quite a few! (more…)

Osteopathy is the gentle manipulation of joints and the spinal vertebrae, which uses massage and stretching. The basic principle is that the correct functioning of muscles and bones will have a profound effect on the function of internal organs and general health. Illness may arise when part of the body’s structure is out of alignment, as chronic stress, bad posture or an acute injury that has not been treated will have an effect on circulation, digestive function and breathing.

Osteopaths may also recommend exercises and do postural assessments. Cranial and crania- sacral osteopathy are forms of osteopathy that focus on the gentle manipulation of the head, spine and sacrum to allow free-flowing cranial fluid. Osteopathy can be useful for back, neck and shoulder pain. It can be helpful for sports injuries, joint and muscular pain, migraines, PMT, asthma, hyperactivity, digestive complaints and headaches. There are cautions for cancer sufferers and acute fractures.

Cranio-sacral therapy is a gentle hands-on therapy focusing on the flow of cerebro-spinal fluid throughout the body and in particular from the brain to the base of the spine. It was created from cranial osteopathy and is based on the assumption that the bones in the skull are not fixed: they can move slightly. Therapists say that very gentle manipulation of the bones enables the flow of the cerebro-spinal fluid to be adjusted. The purpose of this is to promote healing and re-balancing of the body’s systems.

Cranio-sacral therapy is a complementary therapy: it is not intended as an alternative to

(Osteopathy is considered to be more gentle than chiropractic treatments and is accepted as a legitimate medical modality by a substantial number of conventional doctors.)

If you are unsure about trying chiropractic work for adjustments, try osteopathy first medical advice. Conditions most likely to benefit from this form of treatment are back, neck and shoulder problems, headaches, ear infections, sinusitis, glue ear, jaw problems, joint problems, arthritis and sciatica. It is beneficial for all ages, including young children and babies. It is considered helpful for treating conditions such as hyperactivity, dyslexia and learning difficulties in children.

Be prepared to fall asleep during this gentle hands-on treatment! The subtle movements and light touch are very relaxing.

Shiatsu (pronounced shee-at-soo) is often described as acupuncture without the needles! As

in acupuncture, shiatsu practitioners believe illness and dysfunction is a result of blocked, underactive or overactive energy pathways, which link to various organs and systems of the body. Practitioners use pressure from the thumbs, palms, hands, elbows and sometimes the knees to specifically designated points along the meridians of the body. Stretching and holding techniques are also integrated throughout the treatment. (more…)

Reiki is a Japanese word from rei (universal) and ki (life energy). It is pronounced ray-kee and is a very gentle hands-on therapy, which focuses on promoting positive-energy flow throughout the body. Practitioners believe that by using a specific series of movements and positions the client will be able to draw energy to where it is needed in their body.

Reiki is very beneficial in helping people relax and de-stress. Inflamed skin is not touched but conditions like arthritis, back and neck pain, insomnia, anxiety, muscle cramps, spasms and other stress-related problems have all been known to find relief from reiki.

Reiki is a very relaxing and subtle therapy. As the practitioner places their hands over and on your body you will notice a deep heat radiating from them. This heat helps you relax and unwind: it can even feel like you are going into a deep trance. It is a great therapy if you struggle to meditate, relax or perform hypnosis, as it is very quietening and centering.

Reflexology originated in China over 5000 years ago. It is based on the fact that many different points and areas on the hands and feet correspond to different glands, organs and other parts of the body. When the therapist applies pressure with their hands to the specific points or areas, they are trying to alleviate or help heal the conditions presented. Sometimes problems can also be found in this way before they present themselves as physical symptoms to the patient.

Conditions that may be assisted using reflexology include migraines, asthma, high blood pressure, back and neck pain, foot pain, headaches, dental pain, sinus, menstrual problems, irritable bowel syndrome, fluid retention, problems associated with pregnancy and many stress-related conditions.

(Some points on the feet can be quite tender when palpated. Usually the therapist will have a foot map in front of you during the treatment so you can see what each point is linked to. Each consultation ends with a good foot massage. You will feel you are walking on air after reflexology treatment!)

Lymphatic drainage is a gentle form of massage using rhythmic pumping and milking strokes with the hands in order to stimulate the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is situated just beneath the skin and plays an important role in the immune system and in the elimination of waste products from the body.

Lymphatic drainage massage is valuable in the treatment and control of oedema (swelling) and is believed to help relieve the symptoms of headaches, swollen puffy eyes, sinusitis, fluid retention, fractures, torn ligaments, sprains and swollen legs during pregnancy. It is used by some people as part of a detoxification programme or for general health maintenance. It is not recommended when there is acute inflammatiAon or infectious problems.

(This is a very relaxing type of massage that feels like you are being ‘milked’ all over! Aromatherapists use this form of massage with a personalised and specific essential oil blend.

Lymphatic massage works on a subtle level and does not include deep tissue strokes.)